Until a few weeks ago, I had no idea I’d bought into the Women’s Lib movement of the 1980’s. Before you get all hot and bothered, let me say I totally believe in liberation for all people (not just women), and I especially believe women should earn the same wage as a man if she is doing the same job. And, I pretty much believe a woman can do anything in the world she wants to do. Although I do think men are better designed for some tasks. Like war.

Anyway, the issue of identity came up. I had a sudden memory of a woman on television telling all the enslaved wives and mothers to break free. “Does your husband call you, “Mama”?” she said. “You aren’t his mama. You are a woman. You have your own name. You have your own identity. Stand up for yourself.”

I never asked my husband to stop calling me “Mama.” In fact, I’ve always loved that. But for over twenty-five years, I’ve paused every time I start to sign a love note or a card or an “I’ve run to the store, be right back” note on the fridge. I always hesitate. Should I sign it Mama or Kathy? I didn’t even think the issue through, I just paused. And then I often ended up signing it “Me.”

The pausing has gone on all these years, and I’ve never taken time to sort it all out. I didn’t even know where it came from. Then I heard a wonderful preacher say this amazing thing: “Identity is relational. Even God identifies Himself as the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. Even when He told Moses that He was the “I AM” He was including Jesus and the Holy Spirit in His name. You are never just a lone individual standing up in the middle of the world with your precious identity. Your identity is tied to other people.”

Of course! Identity is relational. Being Kathy has no real meaning. There are a zillion Kathys in the world. But, being the wife of Wendell? The mother of Felicity, Serenity, Joseph, and Charity? The grandmother of a dozen little darlings? The daughter of The Nicest Woman in the World?

Those are the things that matter. Those are the people who give dimension to my identity. They give it heart, and love, and life, and laughter.

So, I have a new dilemma when I sign love notes now. Which facet of my identity should I display in this particular instance? Which title is called for in this moment? Once I decide, I sign with a flourish!

Kathy/Mama/Grandma/Me