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Often, when we leave a friend’s house, my husband says, “Good party, no whiskey, we go home now.” He only does this at the home of really good friends. Fortunately, they all know he is quoting a favorite line from John Wayne’s classic movie McClintock. Movie lines are a love language in our family.

When one of our children had a rash on their leg and thought it might be leprosy, we used to quote Kindergarten Cop, “It’s not a Tumah!” Of course, then, one day it was. That joke isn’t so funny anymore, but we still use it. I mean, it’s not always a tumor. Serenity tells that story much more beautifully than I just did in her memoir The Thank You Room. You should read it.

When one of us thinks the world is being unfair, we say, “Life is pain, Highness…” from Princess Bride. And when someone faces a financial crises, we can always count on the papa to sing out, “Would it upset some vast eternal plan, if I were a wealthy man?” Fiddler on the Roof.

Of course, we are really saying much more in this secret, family code. We are saying, “Hey remember that time we were all snuggled in the living room on a rainy afternoon and we watched that movie and laughed really hard? Or the time we cried and then had that long talk about the meaning of life and the promises of God? Yeah. Capture that feeling and hold onto it, because we are all still there with you in our hearts.”

And, it probably isn’t a tumor.