Have you seen this one on social media lately?
Not My Circus, Not My Monkeys
Evidently, this is an old Polish proverb meaning: This is not my problem. At least that is the Internet definition. (And, these are my monkeys) When I told my eldest daughter I was going to make it my new motto, she said, “I’m going to have it tattooed on my forehead!”
I’m not sure what it is about us as nurturers, but we tend to get in everybody’s business. If I overhear one of my coworkers talking on the phone about something that is totally out of my scope of responsibility, I often catch myself speaking right over the top of her, “No, the sky is clear today. Your friend doesn’t need to bring an umbrella to the picnic.”
None. Of. My. Business! And, besides, what does it matter if my coworkers’ best friend shows up at the picnic with an umbrella? She might want it for shade!
So, here are my best tips for those of you who might share my tendency for wanting to run the world (and exhausting yourself and your creativity in the process.)
1. Shut up. My mother never allowed us to use that slang, but I mean it in the literal sense. Keep your mouth closed. When chatter is going on around you, refrain from having an answer for everything. I know you do. And, like Edith Ann, your idea’s are probably best. But refrain.
2. Trust people. I really want to remind my grown children to move their clocks forward every spring so they won’t be late for church. (Like Catherine did in Thirty Days to Glory.) But they have managed to set their own alarm clocks for several decades now. I should probably chill out.
3. Accept consequences. By that I mean, accept that other people will face consequences if I don’t set their alarm clocks, throw cold water in their faces, or drag them from their beds and throw them in the shower. Metaphorically speaking. One reason I try to run the world is because I don’t want anyone to suffer. I want to help them avoid their own consequences. But that doesn’t really help anyone grow. It just makes them keep needing me. Oh…. wait…
So that’s it, then. We shan’t get any further into my own psyche. Just start with those three tips and see if they can help you slow down your own tendency to manage things. Of course, at some point, you will wave your hands at a staff member and say “La, de, da” about some problem and the staff member will reply, “No. We are your monkeys, and this is your circus.”
That, Dear Reader, is another story.
Hilarious! This describes me to a t! Between my nurturing and administrative side, I’m in overdrive. Thanks for the reminder.
You are welcome. And I’ll resist reminding you any further as that would feed into my own bossy tendencies.
Kathy, a friend just recently sent this proverb to me. I agree with Lori. My sister & I are continually reminding each other to leave the monkeys alone.
Thanks for the tips. They are great reminders..
Thanks for dropping by, Rana. Seriously, you have enough monkeys of your own to worry about.
This strikes a chord with me, too, because I have to remind myself I do not need to try to solve everyone’s problems. Sometimes I teach my students how to write a “problem/solution” essay concerning a problem in their lives. My daughter Valerie noticed I was writing long comments on each with suggestions of how to solve their problems. “Mom, you don’t have to actually solve their problems, you know. You are teaching them to write the essay.” Deep thought from a person who has inherited my desire to fix problems for others. I agree, we just want to prevent people from unnecessary suffering.
That is so typical of us fixers, Judy!
I’ve always been more fond of “I don’t have a dog in that fight”, but I think they essentially mean the same thing. This is great advice. There is often a fine-line between nosey and helpful. And I will admit to sometimes being helpful just because I’m nosey about something!
This isn’t exactly the same thing, but it reminds me of a situation several years ago. I took a lesson about a similar subject the hard way from an elder-woman in the church. I was young, gung-ho and had endless energy for all kinds of projects. I could tell the elder-woman didn’t like me and I was determined to find out why. When I confronted her about it, it was emotional and painful, but she made a point to me I’ll never forget. When I always jump in and do everything, no one else ever gets a chance to serve. She told me to hold back sometimes and give others time to step up. I had to learn to “shut up” when a new project came up, to “trust” that someone else would step up to the plate, and “accept” that they probably wouldn’t do it according to my plans, but they would learn so much in the process.
Thanks for always having words of wisdom to share!
Ah, yes. Trusting other people. That’s a good one, Carol.
You know me……I don’t need to say a word….but Thank you!