My mother died this spring. I’m sure you know that if you aren’t new here. She lived a wonderful, long life and died surrounded by love. We all felt privileged to have belonged to her. Grateful for her life. We were so glad she had entered Glory and was reunited with our dad, her parents, family members, and so many friends. We were at peace knowing she had gone home to God, safe in His arms.
And yet, I am so sad.
Grief is like a blue filter over everything in my life. I still enjoy rocking babies, playing with toddlers, texting the teenagers, eating , laughing, spending time with friends, watching movies, reading books, and snuggling my husband. But over everything is this light layer of sadness.
I cry easily, especially at church. And I never apologize for that. I just accept the tissues handed over from the lady behind me and go on crying while everyone else enjoys high praise. Sometimes, I don’t feel like chatting much. And I can’t find the enthusiasm for creative projects or crowds.
I’m extra tired these days, because grief is hard work. Or maybe life is hard work when one is grieving.
This is all perfectly natural. And I’m allowing myself to feel all the feels and just go with it. If I need extra time to be quiet, I take it. If I need to decline invitations, I do. I know from experience this stage of grief will pass, but it may not go quickly. And that is fine. Being sad doesn’t mean I have no faith. It means I am human.
Even Jesus wept when his friend Lazarus died.
So, if you see me out and about somewhere, and I don’t seem like myself, don’t worry. I will be fine. In fact, I am fine. I just need some time. And some tears. And some rest.
This, too, shall pass.
If you are facing grief today, I hope you feel as supported as I do in the process. If you don’t, please reach out. I may not have lots of words or answers. But I’ll be happy to listen.
God bless