Do you know what happens when you write an article titled “Depression is not the Boss of Me” and then watch it spread around on social media for a couple of days? You probably guessed it. Depression gets bossy.

Maybe the emotions got stirred simply from talking about the subject with so many people. Or maybe it was just from sleeping in a strange bed and eating too much rich food at my husband’s medical convention. But, by Saturday morning, my soul felt as gray as the weather.

I knew I had to fight the battle. For myself. For my husband, who did not deserve a grumpy traveling companion. And for all the people who had responded to the article where I had claimed victory. So, I asked God for help. I read a great Psalm. I listened to some good music. But nothing seemed to get beyond my knowing into my feeling. I knew what was right. But I couldn’t feel it.

Feelings aren’t everything. We can live a long time without good feelings. But yucky feelings aren’t a great place to stay. Finally, I asked God one more time to give me something to hold onto. Suddenly, I heard Ben the Cow singing in my head. (Which is a little freaky since I probably haven’t seen that animated movie in a decade.) But I pictured him strumming his guitar and singing:

Oh, I won’t back down. No, I won’t back down. You can stand me up at the gates of Hell, but I won’t back down.

The song made me feel bold. And the thought of a singing cow made me smile. And pretty soon I remembered my own advice and set out to do some things to lift my dark feelings. (Thanks to Courtney, Piersen, and Valerie for lunch at the Crayola Cafe. You were my tonic!)

I’m still not sure if this was a spiritual battle or a biological response or both. But I was deeply relieved when it broke. And I’m glad to know once again that the truth is still true.

So, I’m standing with Ben the Cow today, and we won’t back down. Want to join me?